*sigh*

i think i jinxed myself. i got no sleep last night. okay, maybe half an hour. if that. no sleep today. katy had a doctors appointment. and then when we got home i discovered that abbie and preston had no clean shirts. so i had to do a load of laundry. i found my old yearbooks today. they made me laugh a little. and then i fell asleep for about 5 minutes with katy. and woke up to her screaming. now we're all going to bed. tomorrow is my birthday so were going to try and go out to eat. key word- try.

sleep.

i slept. i feel good. i slept from 2-4am and then from 5:15-7am and 8-11am. amazing. i feel so good. and i slept from 10:30-12am last night. it felt good to sleep in my own bed.

i spent most of the day just laying around with katy. i did do a load of laundry because i needed some clean shorts. and i cleaned a bunch of bottles because we needed clean bottles too. katy's doctor didn't have any appointments for thursday and he has 2 surgeries on friday so she has an appointment tomorrow at 11am. abbie and preston came home tonight around 6. it was so good to see them. i took a shower while my mom was still here. and that made me feel even better. showers always make me feel better. i didn't make dinner tonight. feels weird. i make dinner almost every night. it's 8:47 already. today went so fast. i guess i should give abbie a bath since she won't take a bath in any other tub than ours. and she hasn't had one yet today.

rough nigt.

we had a rough night last night. i got an hour and fifteen minutes of sleep. katy is sleeping now and the new doctor is an ass. he doesn't want to release me this morning.. he wants to wait until around 5 or so. why? i don't know. i've been trying to go back to sleep for for at least an hour. but it didn't work so i'm watching the first episode of grey's anatomy from this season on the internet.

sleepy.

i'm not sleepy. my 2 hours earlier really helped. but i know i need the sleep. since thursday i think i've had no more than 10-12 hours of sleep. and i'm not used to that. i understand when you have a newborn you don't get much sleep. but with preston and abbie i got a decent amount o sleep. i think once were home i'll be able to sleep much more during the day. no nurses checking on me. no doctors. no beeping sounds. a comortable couch and bed.

i planned for this post to be a little longer and have stuff other than what i've told you in the past how ever many posts... but katy wants the attention. actually, she just wants food. night people.

sleep

i finally slept tonight. i slept 2 hours. it wasn't 2 hours straight. but that 2 hours really helped. i feel great. ryan told me that he was going to leave home around 10.. so he should be here by 10:30 or so. i can't wait to go home. if i'm feeling up to it, i'm going to actually dress normal to go home and maybe put a little makeup on. makeup always makes me feel better. always. katy just fell back to sleep about 5 minutes ago. she woke up around 10 and ate a little bit. she didn't take the whole bottle. and then i changed her diaper and rocked her over by the window or 15 minutes. now i'm laying here. eating cake. and drinking coffee. yum.

i can't win.

seriously, i can't win. every morning/afternoon/night i've been here since thursday the nurse came in right after the shift change. the nurse would usually say goodbye and the new one was in by 11:05. last night was different. she didn't come in until 11:30 or so. i really needed sleep. after she came in the first time she came in about every ten minutes to check on us. every ten freakin' minutes. i had her the night before and she was amazing. when she came back in around 12:30 or so i finally told her that katy and i were going to try and get some sleep. but first i wanted some tylenol. when she brought it i said thanks. i got katy and we tried for some sleep. i fell asleep around 1am and woke up at 2am to katy crying for food. she didn't fall asleep until 3:45. she was back up 4:15 and went back to sleep around 4:45. I fell asleep around 6 and was rudely awoken by the nurse at 7am. ass. she was loud. and she woke katy up. so i fed her and put her back to sleep by 8. ryan and my sisters and my brother are on their way now. maybe i should try to get some sleep now. or i'll just stare into katy's beautiful blue eyes.

damnit.

the nurse finally came in around 11:25. She was begging to hold katy. i just put katy to sleep. no, you're not holding her right after i put her to sleep. i've been attempting to get some sleep for an hour. but something always disturbs me. could it be the nurse always stopping in to make sure we have everything we need? if we didn't have something, i'd ring my little buzzer. the beeping sounds are annoying and keeping me awake. and ryan's texting me and making sure we're okay. and just to talk because i hate talking on the phone. and i've been sending him pictures of us.

katy is asleep. i'm expectng her to wake up around 2:30. hm. i doubt i'll sleep at all until then.

i should be trying to sleep now.. but seriously, i can't. i'm tired but i can't. hospital beds are really uncomfortable!

sleepy.

it's 11:11. the new nurse didn't come in exactly at 11 like they have since getting here on thursday night. i'm getting ready to feed katy. and then we're going to try and get some sleep. hopefully i get some sleep. good night.

beautiful blue eyes

my little blue eyed babe is sleeping on my chest right now. i can't stop staring into her beautiful eyes. i feel great. i'm still e-mailing family members. the ones who live out of state.. and i don't have their phone number.

over the past 2 days in hell
both my 'neighbors' gave birth. while i was trying to sleep.
i slept about a total of 10 hours. on and off.
i was really nauseous yesterday.
i took about 5-6 walks a day.
i held the pictures of abbie and preston close to my heart.
i have wanted to stab every nurse that i've had with my IV needle.
i really wanted to hurt my nurse earlier when she told me the dr left for the day.
i've been dreaming on sleeping in my own comfortable bed.
i've been dreaming of eating good food. hospital food sucks.
i have missed my boyfriend when he wasn't here.
i have missed my kids.
i have missed my students that i spent the last 3 months with.
i have spent a ton of time on the internet.

i didn't imagine spending our anniversary laying in a hospital bed. but we got a pretty good anniversary present.

i'm going to stare into katy's blue eyes. and fall asleep with her.


what do you think of her name- katy kristine? do you like it? yes? no?

Home Sweet, Silent Home.

I made it home safely. I'm dead tired. I walked in the house to see Abbie already sleeping and Ryan rocking Preston to sleep.

My kids NEVER go to sleep this early. Wowww. I'm sure they won't sleep all night. In fact, I know Preston won't.!

Pulling My Hair Out..

I'm bored to tears. I'm so glad that we're doing something tomorrow. Don't know what though. I'm like ready to sleep.

We made it here by about 2pm. I slept pretty much the whole way up.

I'm missing my kids and Ryan but I'm also glad to get away.


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Pam, Preston has Ryan's last name. I want to look into eventually getting Abbie's name changed too. Ryan and I have talked about Abbie's dad giving up his rights, since he doesn't bother with her, and letting Ryan adopt her since he's the only father figure in her life. I understand that if her father does give up his rights he doesn't have to pay child support, and I'm perfectly fine with that. I wouldn't have to worry about dealing with his bull shit anymore.

I'm going to do a post on the whole thing sometime next week when I return home.

Randomness

So here's just a bunch of stuff being thrown out there since I can't sleep and it's 1:57am.

I spent wayyyy too much money today. I bought some stuff that was need and some stuff that wasn't. But, I used all Christmas money and giftcards.


Ryan and I had pictures taken today. Kinda random pictures. But probably our last pictures as a family of four. I know for a fact once we get closer to May, I won't want to be getting pictures taken!


Dairy queen should not be within half a mile of a pregnant person. Seriously.


My sister, her boyfriend, and kids will be living with us come the new year. I'm kinda excited. As pam said, I'll have an in house sitter. haha. Just kidding! I would never make her watch four kids! Depending on how much stuff she has depends on what we do for living quarters. Her living room furniture is going in the basement, probably, unless she finds someone who wants it. And she's taking Abbie's room and Abbie's room will be my office. Who knows where I'm putting all that stuff. Oh well. We'll work it out somehow. I'm sure Abbie won't be happy when I tell her that she's going to be residing in the second floor of our home, but she will be happy that her little cousing are going to be living with us!


Sometime soon,I hope, I'm going to start applying for substitute jobs. Just have to get everything together. Let's hope that I can find some kind of long-term substituting job.. that would help greatly.


now, i'm going to try and sleep.

Oh Sweet Snow!

I love you sweet snow. You gave me an extra two hours of sleep this morning. But why couldn't you have come worse last night so they would have declared a delay last night I wouldn't have had to wake up at 6:30. Oh well. I got to sleep until 8:30 and was happier than ever. Now, let's go to school to deal with little kids during inside recess. YAY! NOT!

I Claim Myself As The WORST Mother. ever.

Sleep is usually not an issue. I start our new little bedtime routine around 8. It goes a little something like this:

8:00 pm.- Take kids in bedroom, go back to Abbie's bedroom and get her pajamas, go to Preston's room and get his pajamas.
8:05- Put Preston in the bathtub and let him play for about 10 minutes.
8:15- Wash his hair.
8:18- Wash his chubby little body.
8:20- Let him play for ten more minutes.
8:30- Get him out. Dry off. Put in crib.
8:40- Get bottle ready.
8:43- give Preston bottle and go back to bedroom to find Abbie running around the bed completely naked. Well thanks, darling, for taking your own clothing off. That saves me five minutes of fighting with you.
8:45: Draw new bath water.
8:50 Put Abbie in bathtub and let her play for ten minutes while watching her out the mirror as I start to straighten my hair.
9:00- Wash her thick, curly hair. Poor child. She ended up with my hair.
9:05- let her play for five more minutes.
9:10- Wash her tall, skinny body.
9:15- Get her out, dry her off, dress, take to bedroom.
9:23- Start to read story.
9:30- She's out.
9:30- Check to see if Preston is sleep, and sure enough, HE IS :)

This takes extremely long. Longer than it used to. But we used to start at 7:30.

You may notice that I let Preston play in the tub longer. It entertains him and keeps him happy. Abbie gets bored playing the tub but she likes ten minutes of it. So, I allow ten boring minutes of playing in the tub.

Last night, neither of them wanted baths. I put Preston in and he SCREAMED so loud. He wouldn't stop. So I gave up. I took him out, dried him off and handed him to Ryan. I went to undress Abbie and she wouldn't. She screamed and kicked and hit. I gave up. Whatever. Preston wouldn't take his bottle. He wouldn't stay in his crib. He wanted Daddy. Whatever. Ryan and put him to sleep. He tried rocking him to sleep. That didn't work. He just screamed and screamed. I thought it was never going to end. He finally brought him in the living room and put him on the floor and left him play with his toys, which we have to clean out before Christmas. I took Abbie in her room and started reading to her and she jumped out her bed and threw the biggest tantrum I have ever seen. I was ready to just break down and cry. Preston was happy playing with his toys.. I figured, what the heck. Let him stay up an extra hour if he's going to be happy, and it wore him out a little bit. Abbie, she wanted nothing to do with any toys or baby dolls, which usually make her happy. I offered her a cookie. Nope. Milk. Nope. Brownie. Nope. Water. Nope. Juice. Nope. She wouldn't tell me what she wanted.

After listening to her scream and stomp around the house for an hour, I decided to take them for a car ride. It couldn't hurt. It always makes them sleep. I put their jackets on, Preston in car seat, bottle in hand, and out the door. Put them in the car, give Preston bottle and pull out of the driveway. Withing 10 seconds of leaving the driveway, the screaming started. By then, I had a pounding headache and just wanted some sleep. I had some gummy worms in the car and offered her those, and she took them. And that made her happy. I stopped to get some water at the store and Preston was sound asleep. One down, one to go. When I came out, Abbie was asleep. Mission accomplished. Finally, two sleeping kids.

I didn't care if they slept for an hour, or they slept all night. They were sleeping and I could finally go to bed. I decided to take Abbie in the house first because she always wakes up when she hears the garage door. She can't hear it from her room so in we went. I went and got Preston, shut the garage door and took him in the house. He didn't wake up until I woke him up this morning. Abbie, she was up half the night.

I really hope we get more sleep tonight.

I am now the worst mother ever. I bribed my kids with gummy worms to make her stop screaming and left the other stay up an hour later so he would be happy. Good grief. She was cranky this morning. Great. This is going to be fun. But we had no problems. I hope she's better when I pick her up from the sitter's.

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This has nothing to do with being the worst mother ever.. but anyway.

I got some comments on what to do about finding the gender of the baby.. we've decided that we are not finding out the gender. My mom really wants to know.. I might let her go with to the appointment and let her find out. Then she can get the stroller and crib sheets and everything. She planned on getting all that anyway. So that's what I think I'm going to do. We plan on waiting until after s/he is here to paint the nursery. We first have to transfer all the stuff from my office into either Ryan's office of the basement, then transfer Preston's stuff up there and then get the furniture. We're going to keep the furniture in the basement until the nursery is done. We're going to wait to get the swing and pack and play until s/he is here. We plan to take a day and letting my mom keep the kids, if she don't mind, and paint the nursery and move all the furniture in. This probably won't be for a good month after s/he is here.

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Hope you're having a good day! I'm ready to get out of here.
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I'll post wordless wednesday later.

More new stuff.

Just so you know, It's 12:02 am and I'm up playing with my blog trying to do stuff with it. I can't sleep. I took FOUR tylenol pm and still can't sleep. I refuse to take actual sleeping pills because i'm afraid i wont hear preston. And he should seen be getting up anyway, since he doesn't sleep much anymore, little hellian.

New Stuff:
-A countdown to both kids' birthdays.
- If you haven't read the note at the top, a word from the hellian
-A note at the bottom from me to all you lovely readers.
-A new background

Stuff I plan on doing in the wee hours of the night/morning..
-Add a countdown to mine and Ryan's birthdays..
-Add a countdown to our One Year Anniversary.
-Add a countdown to when we both start student teaching..
-Eventually post some pictures of my new purse, clothing and shoes I got this past weekend after leaving from grammas.
-Have Ryan do a post and tell you all what he thinks of me and the little hellians.
and who knows what else. I want to make it like a second home.. since I spend so much free time on the computer.

And, I can tell right now, My ass is going to be dragging tomorrow. I can't sleep for shit. But, it feels like the tylenol pm is starting to kick in.

And. Saturday Ryan and I are going to the Blue/White game up at Penn State with a bunch of friends. it's nothing big.. it's fun to go and tailgate and walk around and go get autographs and have a preview of what the team will be like. It's far from what a real game is like. I remember my first game was like when I was a freshman in college. It was great. If I get any pictures or whatever, I PROMISE to post them. No gurantees though. I haven't loaded Kodak software onto my laptop.. hence the reason I don't have many pictures of the hellians, ryan and i, and family and whatever. but, i'll try.