Katy update.

I'm so far behind in updating my blog. I decided that I wanted to go back to school for nursing. Which after Governor Corbett getting Boyd into office, was probably one of the smarter things I've done in the past 8 years. With budget cuts, positions are going to be cut and my position is high on the list.

Class, a new house, 4 kids, and also finding out that were expecting our fifth child in mid august had made our lives crazy.

Those aren't the only things, though. If you follow me on Twitter, you know Katy has been sick.

In February I took her to the doctors because she was having balance problems and they told me nothing was wrong. Towards the middle of February I noticed it was getting worse, so I took her to the emergency room. Once again, nothing is wrong. Finally, at the end of February they did an MRI and found a tumor on her brain stem. They took a biopsy a few days later and we found out that it was indeed cancer. She has a brain stem glioma. Until last week she was monitored closely by her oncologist to make sure the tumor didn't grow. There were no empty beds open on the oncology wing and she didn't feel comfortable admitting her to the regular floor of the childrens hospital. Last Monday, April 4, Katy had a seizure. I called my professor and explained the situation as to why i wouldn't be in class. I called the ambulance because their was no way we were sitting in the waiting room. That night she was admitted to the pediatric oncology wing.

Today was the first her surgeon had available to operate. He doesn't normally operate on Tuesdays but felt she needed this tumor out now. The two residents came in at 5am and took her to pre op to prep her. They wheeled her back around 6:45. We talked to the doctor sometime after 1. He said they didn't get as much of the tumor as they would like, but they got the majority of it. Her heart rate and blood pressure started to drop so they felt it was safer to just stop there. They're going to monitor the growth over the next few weeks/months.

Katy is currently sleeping. She's spending the night in the PICU for observation.

I have a meeting with her oncologist at 4:30.

I think that's all. I'll try to keep the blog updated, but it'll just easier to follow me on Twitter @rnicole8604

One More Day.

One more day. That's what I told myself all day. On more day. Unfortunately we only have off Friday and Monday. Hey, it's better than nothing.

Today was a day where I want to take every tylenol pill that was left in my bottle and then throw the bottle some kids' heads. Yeah, it was that bad. And to top it all off, we had some snow flurries. Which meant the little kids thought we were going to get out early. I guess that's what ya get when you take a job that involves 7 and 8 year olds.

Is it wrong that I hate my job? And that I currently can't stand my own kids at night?

Tears, Tears, and More Tears.

I dislike many things. I hate very few things. One thing I hate with a passion- funerals.

A very close friend of mien's father passed away recently. His funeral was today. I made arrangements for the kids to go to my neighbors. But only Preston went. It worked out perfectly. The viewing started at the same time as Abbie's pre-school class. The whole thing was over just before her class was over. Perfection.

I woke up and instantly thought "What do I wear?" Well black is usually the color for funerals. I found my nicest black pants that fit. My nicest shirt that fits and put it on. We departed for the funeral. I should have known better than to wear makeup. This guy was like my second father growing up. I cried so many tears with my dear friend. The service was over and we departed to the cemetery on this cold day. The man was in the service. They played taps and that just ripped my heart out. They folded the flag and handed it to his wife and that just tore me apart even more. Why? Because Ryan had talked before we found out I was pregnant last July about joining the service. I said it's your life. Go ahead. When I found out I was pregnant my decision quickly changed along with his. I was only 22. Had a daughter with another baby on the way. This past spring he talked again about joining the service. He hasn't said anything since. And that kills me. If something would happen to him and he was in the service, that's what would be done. And I don't think I could handle it. I don't think I could live without Ryan. He's my world. And I love him with everything I have!

Where Is Life Going?

Some days I have no clue where my life is going. Some days I do. Some days I feel this isn't the life I wanted. But most days I do!

I'm 22, almost 23. Engaged. College graduate. Mommy. I own my own house. I own my own cars. But I do not have a full time job. And that's a bit scary. Especially with another baby on the way.

Most will argue that I'm too young to have kids. If you're one of them, then just leave. Seriously. I raise my kids perfectly fine. I put them before everything. I don't spend time on the computer when they're around. I leave my computer open, on the coffee table in front of me, but I don't use it. My kids probably watch too much tv. It's my decision and I'm not going to make them read books every second of every day. Sure, I want them to be intelligent. I want them to do something with their life. But I'm not going to shelter them from the outside world.

I probably seem like I'm a stuck-up snob. If that's the case, sorry! Sure, I was popular in high school. But, I lost a lot of not-so-true friends when I became pregnant with Abbie. I then realized that I wouldn't have the life I imagined. But I'm perfectly fine with where my life went!

I say the wrong things at the wrong time. I have almost lost Ryan so many times of it.

Lately, I'm not happy with myself. I feel I'm not living the right life. That life isn't going where I wanted it. I guess I'll just have to learn to live with myself.

If you don't hear from me for a few day, Sorry! I'm trying to find some kind of job, although I know it won't happen. I'm trying to spend time with my kids too. I update twitter several times daily. You can follow me there or on my sidebar. !

Not Me! Monday

It's almost Monday.. which means it's time for "Not Me!" Monday hosted my MckMama. Not me! Monday is a little stress reliever.. it works! Why don't you join in on the fun?

• I most certainly did not leave my kids so I could have a weekend to myself because stress is not getting to me. I would never leave my kids because i am not selfish.
  
• Preston definitely did not get sick again. And I most certainly did not shout "Why God?" when my mom told me she was taking him to the ER. I did not cry on my way home because I am not sick and tired of seeing my 10 month old sick.
  
• I did not leave my house in hot pink sweatpants, brown uggs, and a PSU sweatshirt to go to the store. I always match. I am not OCD!
  
• I did not play an intense game of ping pong with Ashely and her boyfriend. And I most certainly did not hit her boyfriend in the head. Ashely definitely did not then hit her boyfriend in the head with the little ping pong ball.
  

What did you not do this week?

She Missed Me!

I never realized how much attention Abbie lost when Preston entered the world almost a year ago. Boy do I owe her!

It all started this morning around 10am. I was cleaning up Preston's room. Abbie was playing in her room and Preston and Ryan were relaxing on the couch. I heard Ryan getting up and saying "Ok buddy, daddy will be back later. Love ya bud." Before he had a chance to come into Preston's room I blurted "Where are you going?" "Well I was planning on going to Cabelas for the day." Woahh.. I clearly stated that he was not leaving the house without his 10 month old son. He huffed and puffed and finally saw some good in it. He would get the chance to introduce his precious baby boy, who will probably be a hunter, to all things every hunter loves. It just wouldn't make sense if he wasn't. Ryan, his brother, his dad, my brother, my dad, my cousins and uncles all hunt. If this kid is not a hunter, who knows what he'll be. Ryan and Preston were out the door by 11am and left the house to Abbie and I.. well my sister and her family were there.. but I barely even notice they're here. By the way, totally off topic, my sister is watching the kids tomorrow so I can put effort into finding a job! Thanks Cait! Love ya. Back to our day.. I decided to make home-made pot pie. Yummm. I made Chicken, Ham, and Pork. Yummy! While Abbie was helping me she goes "momma, I really miss being with just you." That broke my heart. I'm going to set aside a day each week to spend with just her. And it breaks my heart that once this next baby comes Preston will loose more time. I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I will. I'll learn to set aside a day for each of them and only them. I just hope that I don't favor any other them. I may feel like I'm favoring the new baby because s/he will need more attention. Oh boy. I'll learn to live a new life.. I guess.

Lack Of Activity

I'm slacking, I know.

Actually, I've been pretty busy.

But, I'll be back tomorrow. Now, I'm back to clean the living room and possibly give the kids baths now so they don't fight with me later..

It's going to be a long, stressful week.

Sick As A Dog

I'm sick as a dog. I could tell you how I was in the bathroom all night until 10.. but I won't.

I finally laid down in bed and just started crying because I felt so bad. Ryan came in to go to bed and put his sexy flannel pajama bottoms on and got in bed and wraped his arms around me and told me he loved me. He gave me a kiss on the forehead and wiped my tears away. After I finally fell asleep I didn't wake up until 8 this morning. And I slept inside his arms all night.

I called my mom last night to see if she would stop and get the kids and take them to the sitter's this morning. I knew I was going to stay home today and I couldn't deal with him. Ryan stayed home too so that he could take care of me. We've been laying on the couch all morning together. I have two shirts plus a sweatshirt on, two pair of sweatpants on, two pair of socks on, and covered with two blankets. I'm freezing.

I'm going to try and eat something and watch some tv.

Hope you all feel better than I do.

Love/Hate.

I love my children dearly. They mean the world to me. But my students- Eh. Depends on my mood. I had a doctors appointment today so I went in around 11. When I got there, all my little darlings looked at me and smiled. They I got hugs. I love you too. So I may say I hate them. But I really don't. It just depends on my mood. :)

Hail? Sleet? Snow?

I'm currently at my sister's house. It's trick-or-treat tonight. Yippe. (not)
All of the sudden we hear this clinging against the air conditioner [it's mounted in the wall]
I look. It's freakin hail. Then it's sleet. Maybe it's snow now. Who knows.
Maybe I won't take the kids trick-or-treating.

Take a look:

I made it black and white. I thought maybe it would be easier to see.
If you can see little white dots, that's the hail. It lasted five minutes.
But damn, it hit fast and it hit hard.
Now it's snowing.

have fun in the snow children. (if you're getting snow)

Finally home.

Although I love the beach, I just wanted to get home. Everytime I go to the beach, I get anxious when it comes to the last day. Checkout isn't until the afternoon but we left early this morning so we could be home by noon. Crazy. I know. We had a great time. And Abbie loved her first time in the ocean. I had her at the beach before but never left her in the ocean. I don't know why. I just didn't. But we had fun. A great time. I can't wait to go back at the end of the month. I LOVE the beach. I would live there if I could. But I can't afford a beach house. =[

Question:
Ashely and I have done several surveys/memes about the little munchkins. I want to take them and put a link on my sidebar linking to them. But I want them off my page I guess you could say. I have no idea what I want to say. But I want to do something else with them so that they are easier to get to. How do I do that? I feel stupid. I am very smart with technology and computers.. but this sort of confused me.

Record Time!

Quickly, Record time of bathing the kids. 20 minutes for both.
now i must go. american idol is on