Some days I have no clue where my life is going. Some days I do. Some days I feel this isn't the life I wanted. But most days I do!
I'm 22, almost 23. Engaged. College graduate. Mommy. I own my own house. I own my own cars. But I do not have a full time job. And that's a bit scary. Especially with another baby on the way.
Most will argue that I'm too young to have kids. If you're one of them, then just leave. Seriously. I raise my kids perfectly fine. I put them before everything. I don't spend time on the computer when they're around. I leave my computer open, on the coffee table in front of me, but I don't use it. My kids probably watch too much tv. It's my decision and I'm not going to make them read books every second of every day. Sure, I want them to be intelligent. I want them to do something with their life. But I'm not going to shelter them from the outside world.
I probably seem like I'm a stuck-up snob. If that's the case, sorry! Sure, I was popular in high school. But, I lost a lot of not-so-true friends when I became pregnant with Abbie. I then realized that I wouldn't have the life I imagined. But I'm perfectly fine with where my life went!
I say the wrong things at the wrong time. I have almost lost Ryan so many times of it.
Lately, I'm not happy with myself. I feel I'm not living the right life. That life isn't going where I wanted it. I guess I'll just have to learn to live with myself.
If you don't hear from me for a few day, Sorry! I'm trying to find some kind of job, although I know it won't happen. I'm trying to spend time with my kids too. I update twitter several times daily. You can follow me there or on my sidebar. !
2 years ago
3 Lovely notes:
If it helps any- I often feel that way too. I wonder how I got to this point in my life and I'm not sure it is what I wanted. But- it is what I have and need to deal with.
You will find a job- something will come up. I know it is hard and scarey- but you will find something. This is a tough time because most people get hired during the summer for teaching- but keep checking for long term sub positions. I'll be thinking of you!
Take a deep breath and try to relax. (sorry- I'm not really goo at being positive)
I think we all have to question oursevles about where life is going. I always feel I'm behind on it. The life I have now, should have been happening to me years ago. But, it is what it is.
I'm sure the whole job thing is pretty scary. Something will come along, when the timing is right. Best of luck to you!
Thanks for the pics!
I think we all feel that way sometimes. Hang in there...a job will come along.
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