Tears, Tears, and More Tears.

I dislike many things. I hate very few things. One thing I hate with a passion- funerals.

A very close friend of mien's father passed away recently. His funeral was today. I made arrangements for the kids to go to my neighbors. But only Preston went. It worked out perfectly. The viewing started at the same time as Abbie's pre-school class. The whole thing was over just before her class was over. Perfection.

I woke up and instantly thought "What do I wear?" Well black is usually the color for funerals. I found my nicest black pants that fit. My nicest shirt that fits and put it on. We departed for the funeral. I should have known better than to wear makeup. This guy was like my second father growing up. I cried so many tears with my dear friend. The service was over and we departed to the cemetery on this cold day. The man was in the service. They played taps and that just ripped my heart out. They folded the flag and handed it to his wife and that just tore me apart even more. Why? Because Ryan had talked before we found out I was pregnant last July about joining the service. I said it's your life. Go ahead. When I found out I was pregnant my decision quickly changed along with his. I was only 22. Had a daughter with another baby on the way. This past spring he talked again about joining the service. He hasn't said anything since. And that kills me. If something would happen to him and he was in the service, that's what would be done. And I don't think I could handle it. I don't think I could live without Ryan. He's my world. And I love him with everything I have!