Well Hello!

It's Ashely.. yea I've been missing for awhile. I suck at this whole blog thing! Like really suck!

Let's see.. I graduated college a month ago. I'm moving back in with my parents in New York. I found a job up here starting in two weeks. I'll be in until the end of the school year and I can't be happier.

That's about the only good thing that has happened. My life has sucked since Christmas and especially in the past few days.

Andrew* and I weren't getting along. I felt we didn't have a connection anymore but I really didn't want to break his heart. I wanted to have a happy little family. But I felt I was missing out on so much. We didn't have Christmas on Christmas. We had it the day after. My Christmas present, he proposed. I was in complete shock and didn't know what to say. His whole family hates me. I had so many thoughts running through my head. Finally I uttered "Babe, I can't. I don't know if this is how I want to spend my life...." And then he got all pissy. We eventually broke up but remained friends. We were going to give it another shot and were working on things. We were taking it very s l o w. Finally I just gave up. His friends were more important than trying to make our relationship work. I still talk to him. He takes Natalie every now and then and goes back to his house.

Yesterday my grandfather was hospitalized and is in critical condition and is given only six months to live. This just ripped my heart out. When I got married my dad and grandfather would walk me down the aisle. For a moment, I hated God. I just fell to the ground and cried. My heart was aching. Why would you do this to me? I just keep praying that this is a nightmare and I'll wake up. I just wish that he pulls through. Grandpa, I love you! ♥

Then last night Andrew* texted me because he needed to talk. I could only imagine. He came over and what he told me just ripped my heart out even more. I cried even more. I don't think I've ever cried so much in my life. Except the days I found out I was pregnant/gave birth. His exact words: "I don't want to hurt you. But I have to tell you this. I can't keep it in any longer. It's ripping my insides out. I cheated out you." I just put my head in my lap and cried. I didn't understand why all of this was happening. He told me he was sorry. I don't know if I will ever forgive him for that. I just told him to leave and I'll talk to him today at the basketball game.

Oh, I forgot another good thing. I've been talking with Megan's dad. We've been going to lunch everyday. Hanging out every night. I love seeing him interact with Megan. It's amazing. And I hope something works with us because I truly believe that he's who I want to be with!

-Ashely.


* You were probably confused reading the name Andrew.
Andrew=Michael.
when I started this he wanted to be anonymous so I used his middle name.
He= Andrew Michael!..