Moving.

Yep. You see it. Moving. MOVING.
Maybe.

I really don't want to move. I love my house. I love everything I have done to it. I don't want to let go. I love my bedroom. The colors I painted it. The new bed I bought. I love the pattern I finished in the Prince's bedroom. And the colors of the daughter's room. I love her new bed that matches the walls. I love her carpet. I love my living room colors, how everything just goes together. I love my kitchen. Everything we have done to the kitchen. My back yard. I LOVE my backyard. I absolutely love it. I love my deck. The flowers. The NEW pool. I don't want to let go of my house. I put too much money into it. But.. I may have to.

I have really bad problems with letting go. I love change. But yet I hate it. I want to let go of so much.. but I can't. I grasp things to hard. I take too many things for granted. I need to let go. I can't. But I need to. But my heart won't let me. My brain wants to. But my heart doesn't.

We just moved in last August. It was my grandfather's home. It's the only thing I have left to remember him. I still have not accepted the fact that he's never coming back. He won't get better. He's not going to stop suffering until he dies. I want my grandfather healthy. I can't lose him. I love him. He needs to see his little great grand babies grow up. I need him. Plain and simple. I can't let go.

My parents sold the house to me for a very small amount. Alot less than what it's worth. They split the money. My parents gave me all of their money. So we actually only have two more payments left. I paid a big down payment. My parents gave me their part. I paid extra each month. I want my house. I put too much into it.

I guess it's too hard for my sister to go buy her own house.. she'd rather take mine away from me. My precious house that I put so much into. I don't want to believe this. I don't think she is that stupid. But I guess she is. I found a really nice 5 bedroom house 8 miles from where I am. It's a double block. The people turned it into one. It's gigantic. It has 2 living rooms, 2 kitchens, 2 baths, 4 actual bedrooms, and the attic which they had as a bedroom. It's gorgeous. They just had a new porch put on. They redid the whole inside. I don't know why she doesn't want that. I WANT MY HOUSE! I sound like a broken record but dammit, I want my house. It's MINE. MINE AND RYAN'S. OURS. NOT HERS.

Ah. I feel much better now.

I'll keep you updated.